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On Thursday 12 February 2026, Jess Parker will lead an online Live Classroom on eating disorders in children and young people, and how we can take a trauma-informed approach to providing support. Here, Jess gives an introduction to understanding eating disorders and how people working with children and young people can respond using kindness, safety and connection.
Eating disorders are often invisible. They don’t always look like the stereotypes we expect – someone drastically underweight, fragile, or openly unwell. More often, they’re hidden in silence, overachievement, isolation, control, or distress that doesn’t have words.
For those of us working in education, social care, community support, or frontline services, we might sense something is wrong but feel unsure how to respond.
What we can do is pause, stay open, and look beyond the behaviours we may observe because eating disorders are rarely about food alone. They are about coping, pain, and survival.
It is understandable that for many of us, we assume eating disorders are driven by body image challenges or the influence of social media. While appearance-related pressures can certainly play a role, the roots are often more complex.
Food and eating behaviours may become tools to manage overwhelming emotions, soothe anxiety, or regain a sense of control.
Restricting, bingeing, purging, or fixating on food may offer structure, numbness, or a sense of identity when everything else feels chaotic or uncertain. The behaviours we observe (controlling food, avoiding meals, over exercising) might actually be someone’s best attempt to stay emotionally safe.
Many individuals affected by eating disorders have experienced some form of trauma. Not always a dramatic or one-off event, trauma can also be the slow erosion of safety or self-worth over time. It can be bullying, identity-based discrimination, family breakdown, chronic stress, or feeling consistently unseen or unheard. When the world doesn’t feel safe, people often turn inward and the body becomes a way to express what words can’t.
We do not need to be a therapist or specialist to have a positive impact. In fact, many people with eating disorders may not have accessed formal services. The way we respond, how we show up, listen, and relate can be deeply meaningful.
Rather than focusing on food or appearance, consider what the behaviour might be protecting or expressing. If someone lashes out when food is mentioned, or shuts down when asked about their wellbeing, it may not be about you. It may be coming from a place of fear, shame, or exhaustion.
When we view behaviours as adaptations, rather than problems to be fixed, we make space for compassion.
What’s most helpful isn’t pressure or confrontation…it’s consistency, calm, and respectful connection. Try, “I’ve noticed you seem withdrawn lately,” or “I’m here if you’d like to talk—I won’t judge.” These small moments build trust, even if the response isn’t immediate.
Words matter. Comments about food, weight, or appearance, even those meant as compliments, can unintentionally reinforce harmful beliefs. Focus instead on the person’s strengths: their creativity, thoughtfulness, or resilience. Remind them they are valued beyond what they look like or how they eat.
When you are concerned, say something gently and clearly. You don’t need perfect words, just honesty and care. Try, “I’m not sure what’s going on, but I can see you’re struggling, and I want to support you if I can.”
You don’t have to fix someone’s eating disorder to help. Just offering a steady presence, a relationship that feels safe and respectful, can be powerful. Let them lead. Respect their boundaries. Keep showing up.
Sometimes, the individual may not be ready to talk, and that’s okay. What matters is that they know you are a trustworthy person when they are.
Eating disorders are not attention-seeking or lifestyle choices. They are complex, deeply personal, and often rooted in emotional pain. But they are also responsive to kindness, safety, and connection.
If you work with people in any capacity whether in schools, shelters, community centres, or supported living you have the opportunity to make a real difference. You do not need to be a specialist. You just need to see the person, not just the behaviour, and respond with patience and care. That simple shift can be the start of healing…
Jess’s Live Classroom on trauma-informed approaches to eating disorders is open to everyone.
Jessica is an associate with Trauma Informed Consultancy Services. She has a background in both psychology and education and is currently undertaking a PhD in Psychological Medicine at Kings College London, specialising in the early identification and prevention of eating disorders.
Alongside her studies, Jessica has developed, delivered on and managed many mental health in education programmes, several of these for Trauma Informed Consultancy Services. She brings with her experience of national level programmes including those at the Department for Education and the Department for Health and Social Care.
Formerly, Jessica was a School Engagement Trainer at the Anna Freud Centre where she worked with professionals, caregivers and young people, and Education Director at Creative Education. She has designed bespoke training on a range of mental health in education topics. Prior to that, Jessica taught in schools and further education settings and had additional responsibilities within leadership and safeguarding teams.
