Podcast season 5: Episode 5 – Supporting young people affected by eating disorders

DAWN (00:09):

Welcome to the Creative Life Story Work Podcast, your regular dose of Life Story Work Inspiration. Every month we bring you life story work ideas, tools, and honest insights from a range of perspectives. Stay connected to the latest thinking in life story work as we talk to people with lived experience, practitioners, local authorities, carers, and people who are shaping the way we help care experienced children and young people make sense of their past and build a brighter future. I am delighted to welcome into our podcast studio today, Jessica Parker, to consider how eating disorders develop, why they’re often invisible, and how we can all play a role in supporting young people with care, consistency, and understanding. A topic she’ll be exploring more with us in an online live classroom on the 12th of February, 2026, between 10:00 and 13:00. Jessica is director of Trauma Informed Consultancy Services. She has a background in both psychology and education and is currently undertaking a PhD in psychological medicine at King’s College, London, specialising in the early identification and prevention of eating disorders.

She brings with her experience of national level programmes, including those at the Department for Education and the Department for Health and Social Care. A very warm welcome to you today Jess, lovely to have you here.

JESS (01:53):

Hello, Dawn. Thanks for inviting me in.

DAWN (01:55):

You’re very welcome. I wonder, just to start our conversation off, whether you would like to share a bit about your background and what drew you to focus on trauma-informed approaches to eating disorders.

JESS (02:12):

Absolutely. Well, really my work has always really been about people. I’ve always been intrigued and very curious about emotions, how they link back to behaviours. And of course, as we all know, eating disorders are really at the heart of that. So for me, really coming from the education sector with my academic experience in psychology, I guess I was kind of seeing the profession in a very different way, often working in pastoral roles, safeguarding roles. And due to really being related back to alternative provision so much, it just kind of felt as though eating behaviours were ways of communication for so many of our children and young people. So I think it just really unravelled from there really.

DAWN (02:59):

And what about developing… What inspired you to develop training on eating disorders?

JESS (03:06):

Absolutely. I guess in a way, I’ve always felt quite lucky in that I’d already had the basis in psychology because long story short, Dawn, I thought I wanted to be a psychology teacher and I loved doing that. So I was kind of bringing all of that in any way into my role. But I realised that actually a lot of my colleagues, the reason why so many of these children and young people come to me was that many other people just felt out of their depth as you would do. You’ve trained as a history teacher, as a math teacher, whatever it is that’s brought you in. You weren’t trained necessarily in mental health and neither should you be expected to be. But then I thought to myself, actually, so much of this is just about being human. So many people who have an eating disorder won’t even access therapy.

The fact that many of us are working all the time with children and young people, there’s so much that we can do with that everyday magic to kind of support and scaffold and make their days as easy as possible. So I guess for me, it was about empowering like-minded colleagues to know that actually it may seem scary on the surface, but absolutely there’s something that we can all do systemically even to shape our practice so much better.

DAWN (04:20):

In that talking to your colleagues, what were some of the biggest misconceptions that your colleagues might have had about eating disorders?

JESS (04:32):

Absolutely. It’s a great question, Dawn. And I think not just eating disorders, but I guess when you think about mental health as a whole, it’s because so many of us are driven every day by compassion, aren’t we? It’s that terrifying fear of, if we talk about it or if I ask you the question, are you using food to cope or those kind of questions, that I’m always going to give you the idea and you’re then going to start coping in that way, which isn’t the case. So I’d say that that was one massive misconception that was fueling a lot of fear of, what if we put our foot in it? What if our language is messy or complicated? But ultimately, when someone is at a dark point in their life, we can’t make it any worse. We’re not going to be inserting thoughts or ideas into people’s minds.

So I guess it kind of really comes back to that sort of bravery, but I think that was probably the biggest one. And almost that they just kind of felt as though they didn’t have the skills, but of course they did. Rule number one is human connection. It’s being human, it’s being able to actively listen, thinking about what brought a lot of people into their profession in the first place was to be there for children and young people, which is what they were doing already.

DAWN (05:53):

When I was doing some reading of some of your articles, one of the things that you wrote, which I underlined, says, “eating disorders are rarely about food alone”. And I wondered if you’d just like to dive into that a bit more for the people that we’ve got listening today.

JESS (06:13):

So food way to exercise basically become tools for survival. So it’s a way / a means of sometimes trying to reclaim control, to maybe express something that can’t be spoken. And a way of almost kind of thinking about how they might be able to bring calm in perhaps a chaotic situation. So it’s not the mechanism of food, undereating, overeating, exercising. It’s that sense of control and coping.

DAWN (06:47):

And also I wondered about, are there ways that eating disorders show up which aren’t easily recognised or visible?

JESS (06:59):

Yeah, absolutely. And I would say particularly when we think about coming at things from a trauma lens as well, trauma itself changes everything really about even how we inhabit our bodies and particularly as well, I always kind of use the analogy of the fact that we don’t have x-ray vision, we don’t have MRI scanners built into our retinas. So it isn’t just even about a child or young person’s body shape, it runs so much deeper than that. So sometimes we might be looking at perfectionism. It could be that we’re noticing maybe children and young people that are maybe hoarding food, collecting food, particularly amongst the care experienced population as well. So because much of this is also complicated sometimes by maybe patterns of food insecurity that have occurred previously. So even though that lack of safety may not be existing now, very much the child or young person’s nervous system is still sort of primed to be responding in those ways.

So kind of really learning to survive. So it could even be much that actually we’re not seeing in that kind of way. We might be looking at a child or young person who actually seems very grounded, seems able to control what’s going on, but actually beneath the surface, there’s often much more to it than that.

DAWN (08:26):

And you mentioned trauma informed thinking then. So how does understanding trauma change the way that you might approach somebody who’s struggling with food or body related issues?

JESS (08:42):

Really, it’s about working out what are they trying to communicate to you. When we start to think about kind of seeing things through that kind of trauma informed lens, we move away from that kind of punishment and shame. We’re kind of really then thinking more about some of the signals that are coming across, almost sort of communicating that food is safe now, you are safe now, almost introducing other ways of potentially coping. And much of that Dawn really is just kind of what we do in our day-to-day practice for children and young people anyway. It’s consistency, predictability, reassurance. When we think back to those basic building blocks of trauma-informed principles, it’s all there for us.

DAWN (09:32):

I know a lot at Blue Cabin – it’s the six pillars that we’re constantly thinking about, what does that mean? How does it hold our thinking safe as Well?

JESS (09:42):

Absolutely. It’s like those micro moments almost I sometimes call them and thinking about almost dropping down our relational anchors with the children, young people. I think what I kind of see through the trauma informed lens is that we don’t have to be a therapist to change someone’s life. Majority of people, whether it be you’re a teacher, a carer, a youth worker, even a peer. If you can be that compassionate presence, so much of this can be addressed.

DAWN (10:14):

So there’s real life interactions. I like micro moments though. I like that better. I’m going to have that.

JESS: I’ll give that to you.

DAWN: And I was going to move into the language of that, of those everyday micro moments. And something else that I’d written down that you wrote was about language holding power. And I just wondered if you wanted to say something about the impacts of the words that we’re using in those micro moments that might help or hinder.

JESS (10:49):

Absolutely. That was a nice segue. You can tell you’ve done this before, Dawn. But yeah, I mean, language is powerful. Sometimes I look back at things that I’ve written and I think, “Did I write that? ” That kind of makes sense actually. But yeah, I’d love to talk a little bit about that. It’s definitely a huge area of passion. So do cut me off Dawn if it’s too much

DAWN (11:11):

Never cut you off.

JESS (11:13):

But really it’s language, it’s got the power, hasn’t it, to kind of open up a door, a doorway of connection, or actually to again, start to reintroduce further shame, further stigma. So for me, I think language, really, it kind of shapes how we feel, how we connect, even I guess how we even begin to understand each other. And that’s why it’s so pivotal to supporting those with eating disorders. The way that we speak is then kind of hopefully enabling a child or young person to work out, “Am I safe? Am I respected? Am I worthy? Do I belong here?” When we often think about eating disorders, we describe it as like a friend or a foe. So in a way, it’s a coping strategy, but also it’s something that controls the person’s life. So it’s working out, am I willing to be able to share my coping strategy with Dawn?

Is she worthy of that information? So any language around food, around weight, around appearance, that can land really deeply and we won’t mean to. We won’t have the intention of re-traumatizing or anything like that, but even sometimes sort of well-intentioned comments like, “You look well.” Well, that might land at a point when that child or young person has gone through a period of maybe practising a food related behaviour to gain control and inadvertently we might then be reinforcing that cycle. So one of the really, really powerful things that we can do, and I think it’s just a beautiful thing in life anyway, is to focus on the person’s qualities, not their appearance. So I could show up here today and I could say, “Dawn, I love the way you’re hosting this podcast. You bring so much kindness to others.” Or, “I really appreciate how thoughtful you are.”

Maybe thinking more about those sorts of affirmations, help a child or young person to remember that they are of value to us. Again, my other favourite one is, are they using food or exercise to attention seek? No, they’re not. So sometimes that has implications of choice, almost like, “I’ve chosen to use food or my weight in this way, I haven’t.” So we can reframe that as connection seeking, or is that maybe a child or young person who actually maybe hasn’t been noticed who is really sort of asking for our help. So I think sometimes when we’re concerned, it’s not about finding perfect words, is it? I think it’s easy for us to sit here on the podcast today and chat about this so beautifully, but ultimately, as I said before, even if sometimes we accidentally do use the wrong language, we’ve still tried to support that child with a connection, with a relationship.

So I think my final point on this, unless you want to explore further, I told you I could talk a long time about language, but I guess it’s starting with a phrase like, “I’ve noticed.” So imagine if you were having to kind of enter into a conversation like that with a child or young person, I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed withdrawn lately, or I’ve noticed that you don’t seem to be spending lunchtime with the others. I don’t know what’s going on, but I just want you to know that I care that I’m here for you if you want to talk. Kind of trying to be neutral with things, but also being kind to ourselves in that it doesn’t always work perfectly in the moment, does it?

DAWN (15:00):

But those phrases that you’ve just said there are about opening up connection rather than closing it down as well.

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DAWN (16:53):

You have already hugely emphasised that we don’t need to be specialists in order to make a difference. What are some of the practical ways that some of the people listening to this podcast, what practical ways could they provide everyday support?

JESS (17:12):

Yeah, it’s a really great question. And I think something that comes up an awful amount in my training that I deliver regularly, Really, I think it comes back to our good old, and I know we love this on this podcast, but it’s thinking about attachment, isn’t it? It’s thinking about the basic pillars of our practice. So anything that we can do to support a child or young person to, again, feel that sense of connection, brilliant, massive tick, okay? Depending on our role, it’s also possible to maybe start to think about how we might start to rebuild safety around food and really maybe thinking about, that could be routines, it could be perhaps trying to avoid maybe sudden restrictions in their diet, anything that we feel that we’re kind of able to do in our capacity. Again, for others, depending on your profession and why you’re listening today, it could be that we’re then thinking about those sort of basic, and I say basic in the sense of to us, professionally the basic, but to the children and young people, they’re hugely beneficial.

Maybe educating around social media. I find that social media amplifies sometimes the wrong things, and the fact that for children and young people growing up, particularly those who might be trying to seek support or gain more of a sense of belonging, they might find themselves on things like Instagram or social media where it’s all about beauty standards. So however in our power we can help children and young people to also think about their worth. So that links back onto a beautiful movement called body neutrality. Not sure if you’ve heard of it, but really building it back to challenging those narratives, challenging that negative self-talk that many children or young people will have and understanding that their worth isn’t about how they look. It’s about them kind of working out where it is that they belong in the world.

DAWN (19:21):

And for those people listening who are perhaps working in an organisation, how can an organisation better foster a safe environment for those young people?

JESS (19:35):

Absolutely. No, it’s a really, really great conversation to have, I think, and something that I guess quite a lot of organisations kind of grapple with. And I think it’s about unpicking, isn’t it? Who are we as an organisation? How are we kind of really perceived by the children or young people? And I almost feel a little bit like, in a way, answering that question to an extent might mean that I end up doing the children and young people a disservice, because it’s almost about us through conversations with the children and young people thinking about what does safety mean to you? How is it that we can provide for you? But I think anything around removing shame or judgement around food, again, that often drives kind of disconnection in those moments. So if you are in a situation where children or young people are accessing food through you, avoid commenting on portion size, eating speed, those sorts of things, try not to praise.

I know that sounds really hard, but sometimes when we see a child or a young person having a little bit of a breakthrough with their eating, we start to praise. So sometimes that might start to kind of reinforce alternative behaviours. Emotional regulation is massive as well given what we were saying earlier on about thinking about coping, can we maybe start to educate children or young people about other emotional regulation strategies that are out there, maybe through modelling the model ourselves. So ensuring that we’ve always got a warm, slow tone, that we’re calm, that we’re grounded, naming our emotions as well, thinking about breathing strategies, mindfulness, whatever it is that we’ve been trained to kind of do around emotional regulation, that’s going to be massive here. And I guess just engaging the whole network in the sense of those whole organisation approaches. You mentioned before, Dawn, about those kind of six pillars. How are those six pillars ensuring that your particular community, your organisation actually is able to kind of have that predictable compassionate system of care?

DAWN (22:02):

My final question for you today, if there’s one key thing to take away that you’d like listeners to remember about trauma-informed support for eating disorders, what would that be?

JESS (22:17):

Connection heals. No child or young person is going to heal in isolation. They heal in a relationship and that really is the very essence, isn’t it, of trauma-informed practice? It’s to be the safe person in someone’s story. We often talk about eating disorders, and again, I’ll expand on this in the Live Classroom some more Dawn. It’s a very potentially isolating and lonely time for any child or young person who could have been keeping this secret for many years in some cases. So anything that we can do to demonstrate that actually we’re now walking through the storm with them, they’re not alone anymore. I think that would be my key thing, that there’s always hope. And I think that’s what kind of fuels me and my work, that every story of recovery, every moment of reconnection isn’t because we fix someone. It’s because we understood them and helped them to see that there was another way forward.

DAWN (23:19):

Thank you so much for our conversation today, Jess, and for underlining that we don’t have to be specialists to make a difference, the way you show up, the language you use in those micro moments, as I’ve taken it already, just in everyday interactions and how profound that that can be. So thank you very much for your time today.

JESS (23:43):

Thank you for having me.

DAWN (23:46):

Whether you’re a foster carer, someone who has experience with the care system, or you work with children and young people, we hope this episode has given you an insight into how we can make Life Story Work better for young people and how you can use it in your practice. If you’d like to find out more about Creative Life Story work and more about Jess’s Live Classroom on eating disorders on the 12th of February, 2026, then please visit our website, creativelifestorywork.com. And you can find us on LinkedIn and bluesky @creativelsw. Please do get in touch though with any comments or questions as we’d really love to hear from you. And if your podcast app allows you to, please do leave us a review as it really helps others to find our show. So until next month, bye for now.